My Aunt died.

Tuesday, Jun. 17, 2003 ~ 11:15 PM

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I just wanna show you the way that I feel.

The difference between ebbing away and dropping away is time. She has been gone for months now. She wasn’t herself and you said your goodbyes then. Ebbing away and dropping away are still away. Are still not here. The only difference is the exponent of the sudden.

She has no natural feeling in her. Any a-body with natural feeling woulda gone. Woulda paid her last respects like any decent person. The difference between wasting away and wasted is that there is an end to the pain when one has wasted. And I never say my goodbyes in retrospect.

I pull my shirt over my head. I stand in the mirror and examine myself. She is dead and gone and all that I can concern myself with is the workings of the flesh. She was gone months ago. You said your goodbyes then. It is not your fault that her body decided to make it official last night. I hold myself in the shower and wait for the tears to come. I don’t cry about death so much anymore since the 11th of September. If I had any natural feeling I would have cried by now, right? What is it about me that detaches itself?

I made up my mind at age 12 that I wouldn’t be attending anymore funerals. I will send my love and my condolences and continue with the business of living my life. Wasting away like the selfish little creature that I am.

And I never know what to do with my hands.


Right Foot In < < < < < < < < < > > > > > > > > > Right Foot Out

Now Shake it all about!

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