Sorry

Sunday, Aug. 11, 2002 ~ 10:03 PM

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I have always had an interest in �mind-expanding� drugs.
Whenever I heard someone describe their experiences on them it always seemed to me to be profoundly pretty. As if the retelling of these experiences were the models of beauty and enlightenment. I envied them their ability to impress upon me the wonders that they had seen. And it was never the wonder itself, but the fervor and the force with which the participants relived them. It was the thickness of the hues of their memory. It was that painting that dripped from their mouth.

This weekend I tried shrooms for the first time with my friend Jared who�d come in from Berkeley.
And I am embarrassed to admit that I have nothing pretty to recount for you.

Not that my experience wasn�t amazing� because it was. At one point I looked down at my hands and I saw where they were, had been and would be. in Technicolor. It felt like kissing Verona for the first time. The way that I felt everything and saw everything and was everything. And that Everything was three dimensional, like the sound of a smile. I could hear the leaves in conversation with the wind. And every minute thing became epic. I felt like if I reached up I would not only touch the sky, I would push my hand through it and God/dess would grab hold and pull me up. I felt like at any moment I could be a constellation.

But it seems that for me, mind expansion is temporary and is irrelevant if it cannot be adequately shared. And today I wanted nothing more than to wave my hands in front of your face and ask you if you saw the rainbow too. Sorry.

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