You can keep your ducks.

Thursday, May. 09, 2002 ~ 11:59 PM

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Well, I am feeling much better today. I wasn�t awakened by my favourite stalker, but I was greeted this morning, by a call from the staffing agency. It seems that they have been receiving rave reviews of my performance last week at Phoenix. Yesterday, they even got a call from Phoenix�s Human Resources Dept. Christine, one of my contacts from the staffing agency made sure to stress to me how rare it was for the human resources dept. to pay a compliment� but that all in all everyone was very pleased with my performance. So� they set me up with another week long assignment at the Phoenix (though in a different area I think) starting Monday. Wait. Time out for the �Pleased Andi Dance�.

This temp thing is very lucrative and as it seems that I�m the new Golden Child� it�s also proving to be more permanent than I�d expected. So� if I play my cards right I could possibly be ready enough for a move to the city in August. However� I wouldn�t want to put the Campbells in a bind if they are ready to move earlier. I have grave insecurities about the possibility of me feeling rushed in regards to the financial situation. I put myself in a situation like that around this time last year and I�m still paying (literally) for that. And I know that this is not the same thing (nor the same people. {1. because the Campbells are crazy but not that kind of crazy and 2. because we�ve known each other for more than a few scant months and 3. because I actually really love them, and disappointing them is awesomely frightening to me}) but I am the poster child for �once bitten, twice shy.�

Katie thinks I�m being stupid.
Freya wouldn�t exactly use the word �stupid� but feels that it�d be harder to find some place to live on my own even if I was more financially stable.
My mother (because telling her anything about my life involves her putting her two cents it) feels that I should just wait until she sells the house so that I can have everything perfectly placed.

But anyway� the point is that I�m feeling less like a fuc* up today. And� I even got PaPa�s sweater back! [I got it on my detour through Montclair.] It is my favourite sweater. It is red and big I love it. Jenny says that you're considered a part of the family when PaPa makes you a duck. Jon has a duck. And intellingent Andi averts her jealousy by reminding herself that they are married and he's fabulous. But I say, "Ha!" I say, "I've got the red sweater. Nana-nana boo boo!" (and I stick out my tongue too!)

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But the family trip wasn�t all about me being a closet case. There were actually some enjoyable moments.
Like when I was holding my six month old cousin Jayla. She�s so beautiful and soft. She has large dark eyes and tiny fingers and toes. I take such pleasure in offering her my fingers. She curls them up in her little hands and I marvel at how she always knows just when to let go. She grabs at my locks to pull me in closer to her like she has a secret to tell. and then she bites my nose. For a little lady without any teeth she bites pretty hard. But I didn�t mind. It was the first time in many years that I�d held a small child and they didn�t cry. She just looked at me and laughed. all of her laughed. From her new hair to her new feet. Out of her eyes and her mouth and deep in her little belly. When she laughs it's more than laughing. When she laughs she is laughter. And I saw myself in her eyes and I looked so very young. And I was smiling. And I was laughter too.

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