pretty.hate.machine

Monday, Apr. 29, 2002 ~ 9:01 PM

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Caught a lite sneeze.
Dreamed a little dream.
Made my own
pretty.hate.machine.
Boys on my left side.
Boys on my right side.
Boys in the middle and you�re not here.
Boys in their dresses you�re not here.
I need a big loan from the girl zone.

I bought a skirt.

I know I know� I�m shaking my head too. And not just a skirt skirt. Not just a nice respectable �Oh, so I have a skirt now� skirt. No. Not for me. I bought an �ooo this is almost sexy isn�t it?� skirt. It is black and floor length but made of that super tight lycra-ish material and it has a slit on both sides up to a wee bit above my knee. It is cheap and very nearly skanky, and everyone has one (or something like it) but I had to have it. I needed a BIG loan. I was feeling a little ugly today and it didn�t help that it was cold and rainy.

Tomorrow I�m wearing my slutty black pants and a long shirt and Wednesday I�m wearing the skirt. Wednesday I�m having lunch with Alison but before you raise your eyebrows at me that is NOT why I�m wearing the skirt. I�m wearing it because I�ve yet to get my clothes from the dry cleaners and I won�t be doing so until Wednesday after work� so it�s either the skirt or the nude. And as comfortable as I am with my body and I much as I�d love to just shake up Corporate America� I do not think that the world is ready for Naked Andi time.

When I showed it to she and Mom during dinner, Devin said, �Oh. You�re trying to show off your little shape there to the NY men.� (sighs) They�re really big on this heterosexual thing in my family. And everyone is always trying to goad me into a conversation about men or better still a date. My Aunt Yvonne is trying to fix me up with some doctor at the hospital where she works and last week she said, �All you need is a good strong hug from a good strong dude, Andrea. That�s all any woman really needs.�
I would like to point out that I do not dislike men. I think that many of them are nice and some of them are attractive. It�s just that I haven�t really been sexually attracted to one in a wee bit. I do not rule it out but I do not foresee it in the near future. Of course, I am engaged to a dashing young Leprechaun but that�s over two score years away. It�s just a little uncomfortable when suggestions that I would be much better if I were with one are constantly being voiced.
-[insert sarcastic remark about all of the fun that I�ll be having this weekend here]-

I was so bored at work today. I completed all of the busy work left for me to do on Friday so basically I sat emailing with Verona (Her) about what she should get for Brenda. It�s so much easier talking to Her and not being completely crazed. Friendship is much more effective when you�re not end of the world in love with the friend. But I�ll always love her.
She�s very protective of me. It�s quite amusing the way she says things sometimes. V.e.r.y protective. Like a big sister. But hot. and nice. and happily (practically married) in relationship with a wonderful woman. And not at all like the big sister that I am to Devin.
Actually, all of my friends are protective of me. That�s good. I�m very clumsy.

From Sunday, April 28th 2002: circa 2:30 PM
Leaving the City on Greyhound

On a bridge looking out the windows and all that I see is fog. It want to stick my arms out of the windows and get it sticky on my fingers. I am tempted to press my tongue to the glass to taste it. Yes. I�m sure that I could taste it plain through the panes. Dense. thick. but oddly comforting. It�s like the sweetest grey ever. It�s like if rainy days were a flavour of cotton candy.

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