Grey Matters

Wednesday, Mar. 27, 2002 ~ 1:43 AM

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I just wanna show you the way that I feel.

My brother and sister, Bernard and Devin, make me sad. They make me feel like even though I love them, I will never really like them, nor will they ever like me. Their small minded-ness wears on me more and more each day. It�s the worst on Tuesday nights when the Real World comes on. If the possibility of homosexuality is un-nerving to them, the sight of it is cause for extreme and violent declarations of disgust.

My brother is constantly asserting his BET inspired heterosexuality. He says things like �sex her� and �hit her from behind.� He has an address book filled with the numbers of girls that he �chills with.� He views them as toys� the more, the better� and by better I mean more envy from other men. He wears a wave cap over his corn-rows and he walks with a swagger. He is a man, you see, a big blue-blooded, specimen of heterosexuality; and the idea, the very mention of anything to the contrary is an affront to his masculinity.

My sister� my sister cloaks her bigotry under a white collar, under a cross, and tries to dilute it in hymns. She likes to refer to the Bible, the 10 Commandments when defending her stance against homosexuality. She seems to be un-aware that the 10 Commandments make no mention of homosexuality. It does however make mention of not taking the Lord�s name in vain, an abhorrence to coveting, and the infamous, �Honour thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be longlived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee;� things which she seems fine with failing to remember daily.

When confronted with the images of homosexuality Bernard talks about how �real men� ought to behave/think/talk/dress and Devin makes retching sounds. They use words like faggot and dyke� They use words like faggot and dyke yet either one of them would try and kill the person who called them niggers. It pains me that they are so intolerant of something that I embrace. It pains me that our mother (despite her own prejudices) tried to raise us to be open-minded and their minds are shut. Tight.

Forgive me if this makes me a coward, but I don�t want to come out to these people. Forgive me as I admit, that had they not been family� I would do everything that I could to not even KNOW these people.

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I beat the rain today. It was hanging heavy over my head in the boughs of the trees on my walk into town this morning. I splashed in puddles of grey sky as the clouds misted in pre-Sprung frost from my lips. All in all, it was a beautiful morning.

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Last 5 Entries

How Rude! - Wednesday, Sept. 22, 2004 - 12:16 PM

One small step but no giant leap. - Tuesday, Sept. 30, 2003 - 11:17 AM

Where's George? - Thursday, Sept. 25, 2003 - 12:48 PM

Gypsy - Wednesday, Sept. 24, 2003 - 8:44 AM

I'm no Artemis. - Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2003 - 8:19 AM

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