The Stars Never Lie

Tuesday, Mar. 05, 2002 ~ 9:06 PM

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I just wanna show you the way that I feel.

ARIES (March 21-April 19):
From an astrological point of view, it's not a good time to inject Cheez Whiz into Hostess SnoBalls and serve them as hors d'oeuvres. Nor is it a favorable moment to recite dirty limericks to pillars of the community or to launch a vision quest in the weedy, broken-glass-littered field behind a shopping mall. While I do recommend that you explore your odder fantasies, Aries, don't get that odd. How about inducing a lucid dream in which gorgeous angels give you orgasms as you fly over the Grand Canyon? How about playing affectionate pranks on everyone you love, especially yourself? What if you loosen up your tightest inhibitions and try the most uplifting adventure you're afraid of?

Okay... so that was last week's horoscope from the Voice a la the only star gazer I trust, Rob Brenzsny. But it's still valid (at least until 3 PM tomorrow when he updates). And so, okay, I don't dream about flying over the Grand Canyon (note that I do not mention not dreaming about gorgeous angels or the orgasms brought forth... just the Grand Canyon) I kind of think that Rob may be on to something. Let's see... in the affectionate plank praying arena could that be 1. creating a personal profile on PlanetOut.com or 2. responding to one? As far as my tightest inhibitions... that I don't know about. I think that I'd have to say that I'm inhibited only insofar as I haven't been in an environment which allows me to shed them. Sort of an "inhibition by default" if you will. But I do have to trek to the NETC auditions in Boston (which I, like an idiot, completely forgot about until it was too late to apply) to audition for Michael Collins artistic director for the Hampstead Players. Let's discuss the nervousness. Let's discuss how the fact that I was "highly recommended" by the HotelRats, I'm now even more nervous because I can't make them look like idiots. Myself I can handle, but those that I care about... fu'gedaboudit! Not to mention the fact that you have to be invited to the NETC auditions by the organization... I'll be a crasher. Of course, the first party I crash will be the a big one. Sigh. It's the really the only way to do it. Hmmm, if last week's was so apropos, I wonder what this week's will have in store.

On another note: I was watching TV
-Really Andi? You don't say. I would think that with your busy schedule, you'd not have anytime for the tele at all.-
today and a deodorant commercial came on. So there's this bare-chested guy staring at me from the tube and asking me if I know what an avalanche smells like. The commercial cuts to footage of an avalanche and then back to the shirtless boy wonder as he applies the deodorant, sniffs his pits, and says, "Like that." <~Or something to that effect. My thoughts were 2fold. 1. Women simply can't get away with a bare-breasted deodorant commercial, even if it is the new millennium and 2. I wouldn't even want to know what an avalanche smells like as that would probably mean that I'd be covered (and suffocating) somewhere in the mountains under a drift of cold wet snow. That, or I'd be in his armpit.

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Last 5 Entries

How Rude! - Wednesday, Sept. 22, 2004 - 12:16 PM

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Gypsy - Wednesday, Sept. 24, 2003 - 8:44 AM

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