Toy Story 3

Tuesday, Feb. 26, 2002 ~ 10:07 PM

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I love book stores. Today I killed a few hours in the Astor Place Barnes & Noble (after I was stopped by some scruffy, but quite amusing Greenpeace guys who managed to sign me up). Bookstores have the most amazing smell. It's the smell of words and the power therein. I like to go to the Theatre, or the Philosophy, or the Poetry, or the Fiction slash Literature section and randomly open books to smell them. I like to look at the different type-sets and imagine how it must differ from the long-hand I imagine the books to be written in orginally. I purchased (after perusing for a looong while) Juliette by the Marquis de Sade. I've been meaning to read him for while and since I have at least 25 hours (total) of bus time ahead of me this week, I figured that now would be an appropriate time to treat myself. Thus far I find him... captivating. (chuckle) I would have loved to have read him in my Senior AP English class if solely for displeasure Karla Guiliano.

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From Earlier: 4:44 PM @ 2nd Ave. Starbucks

I think we can be friends. Scratch that. I'm sure She can be friends... I think that I can be friends. I will just have to get used to not being the person that She re-arranges Her schedule to make time for. That's okay though. She's completely crazy about Brenda; and as long as She's happy...

So today I went to FAO Schwartz! How much fun did I have? So much fun! I played with the plushie aminals in the rainforest display, I was at home in Lego-Town, I commanded the G.I. Joe room, I lit up in the Electronics room, and I went ga-ga in the Baby room. I had a blast! Katie used to tell me all the time that I'd never had a childhood. Tehehe, that's because I still have my childhood. I'd still rather get a neat new toy for Christmas than a practical sweater. And FAO Schwartz is the BEST! You can play with the toys and no matter what age you are, you can run around with your mouth open, pointing like a little kid.
I've been thinking off and on about the various rehabilition clinics that there are out there. I think that there ought to be a new one. A Toy clinic. A place where you can go and indulge your inner child. It will feature a wide range of toys: from the antique hand-made wooden toys (for our more discerning players) to the newest most top of the line mostest state-of-the-art virtual toy, toys. I really believe that everyone can benefit from some un-abashed play-time.

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I love to watch the people pass. Sometimes when I'm feeling good I'm struck with the realization that it really is a beautiful, beautiful world.

~

I've had these lyrics in my head
"If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...Tonight.
It's a song that I think I like; with that video that I know I like; by Vanessa Carlton who appeals to me and plays a piano so that's beautiful that I think even Tori might be a little jealous.

"I'm going to see Nelly Furtado on March 15th."
"Really?! I love Nelly."
"I'm not sure if I do. She dances funny. It's kind of corny."
Sigh. And do you see now, why I love Her? She has no problems with Nelly's music or even her appearance, but Nelly's dancing is what throws doubt into Her mind. [and this is AFTER the pickles... but I think that I've actually isolated it as dislike of dill.] She is wholly neurotic and wholly loveable. I suppose that She is going to see Nelly in Miami for the music fest. Lucky lady... though, I'm sure She'd feel more lucky if Nelly didn't dance. ;-)

"It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face"
That was in my head today too. But especially the good advice part. Had I taken all of the good advice that I'd received I wouldn't have allowed myself to get hurt and my friends wouldn't be upset with Her for having a hand in the hurt. [Mr. Campbell even offered to beat her up.] But as they all know, I'm at least 1/2 to blame, and they're only mad at Her because they love me. If they knew and were friends with Her, they'd chalk it up to either ill-timing or a poor fit. Because in the end, it really is "good advice that" I "just didn't take." And eventually they'll get over it, as will I.

It seems odd to me sometimes that I want to keep Her. Usually when I get hurt I want to rid myself of the thing that hurt me; or at least put a LOT of distance between it and myself. But Her... Her I want to keep. ~>Like my mis-matched socks I guess. And even if She moves to Australia at the end of the year with Brenda and they start a family and we lose contact... I will always re-memory Her; and laugh at pickles, and mustard, and too sweet Cosmos, and have a special fondness for women with round voices that roll by name up and bounce it back to me. I will keep her, colourful and soft, and without fail, remorse or regret: wear her out, un-conditionally.

I watch the people pass my window here and wonder what colour socks they're wearing.

~

As First Years at Stella we were told that one cannot possibly be a better actor than one is a person. They strove to make not actors, but people. We were training our minds, bodies, and the essences of our souls for more than the stage... for life.
I could only afford one year of training and that seems like ages ago. How much have I changed in three years? Is my potential to be a good actress lesser or more than when I left them? I walk less straight than when Joanne was monitoring my steps. But still... I walk. My speech is sluggish, slurred and sloppy beyond recognition that I was ever trained by Kate and Alithea. But still... I speak. And I am thankful for these gifts. I look out the window and I see people who have no concept of the joy in the movement; no idea of what it feels like to speak from one's most organic place... and while I am not as trained as the actors that I started with I realize that we are all far more blessed than so many.

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