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You know, I've been thinking... coping is over-rated. I have no problem with self-improvement (just those little self-improvement books) but I think that a good revel in non-copingness leads to a better understanding of who we all want to be when we grow up. When I leave a depression, I'm always a little bit stronger, a little bit more Andi. Kate says that I have a cycle. I'm fine, then I fall hard, then I get heart-broken and I'm very not fine, and then I'm fine again. But I like to think that I'm always more fine for having not been. After drowning in your sorrows for a bit, you eventually learn to swim. I say this because I'm planning on meeting Her for lunch on Tuesday before swinging down south to meet my favourite Sweetbriar Vixens. Freya would say that the meeting is not coping and so be it. Coping does not make me flush with excitement. Coping does not make me smile. Coping doesn't have sun-streaked hair. And I hear you saying, "Tsk, tsk Andi." And I hear you shaking your head. But I would just like to put into writing that I know that this is simply a lunch between friends. And I know that the friends have no chance in Hell of ever getting together. And I know that one friend is going to have to work hard at not having naughty little thoughts about the other friend... but these are kinks that the friends will have to learn to work out. Here's the thing: I've had two big loves in my life and I've been branded by each. Her smile will always set my mind on fire, and I know this with the anticipation of warm nostalgia. Part of me will always be Hers. She was the first. But I belonged to the theatre long before I belonged to Her. I am not sure that I believe in destiny; but I am sure that I believe in the theatre. You cannot see the markings they have left upon me but that does not make them any less real, or permanent. And in a way, it's kind of a relief to know that I belong to something greater than myself. . How Rude! - Wednesday, Sept. 22, 2004 - 12:16 PM One small step but no giant leap. - Tuesday, Sept. 30, 2003 - 11:17 AM Where's George? - Thursday, Sept. 25, 2003 - 12:48 PM |
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a Nifty design 
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