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Sigh. The Beatles lied. Love simply isn't all you need. Because if there is one thing that I have over Brenda, it's my love, and still... I know. I'm beating a dead horse. Today was quite possibly one of the hardest days of my life. I miss Her terribly. The past four months have been filled with Her. She's the one person that I've been able to turn to. I could tell Her anything and I did. She was the template that all of my dreams were built on. I hardly got any sleep last night. Everytime I closed my eyes... there She was. And now to not be able to run to Her with this... when all that I want to do is have Her explain it to me so that it'll be okay... but I can't because the only way that it would be okay in the way that I want it to be is if I were Brenda. I had a set-back today. She sent me an email. Well, She didn't exactly send it to me... it was one of those mass mailing things. But still, I was weak and I opened it. It was one of those really tear-jerking attachment type thingies but that wasn't the reason I started crying. I just missed Her so much. All that I wanted in the world was to pick up the phone and dial Her number to hear Her voice. But I didn't. I sent Her an email back asking for Her to take me off of Her mailing list. She emailed me back, "FINE." The curtness of Her reply stung me. I wonder if She has any idea how hard this is for me. Pathetic though it may seem it took a lot for me to write Her and ask Her not to include me in Her mailings. It took me even longer than that to stop crying and get up off of the floor. Her "FINE" left me to wonder about whether or not She was upset with me. The idea that She could be really unnerves me. I just want to explain but I doubt She'd care to hear it. And even if She did, what would I say? "This wasn't supposed to happen this way. You were supposed to choose me." That'd be unfair and illogical and it wouldn't make a bit of diference because She didn't choose me. She chose Brenda and it all works out because Brenda chose Her and She has the Gucci perfume to prove it. Last week she said that she needed my kisses. How is it possible that I still need hers and whether or not She has mine means nothing to Her? How is it possible that She doesn't dream of me anymore? I've got to hand it to Brenda... she must be something amazing, she has the whole love at first sight thing on lock-down. . How Rude! - Wednesday, Sept. 22, 2004 - 12:16 PM One small step but no giant leap. - Tuesday, Sept. 30, 2003 - 11:17 AM Where's George? - Thursday, Sept. 25, 2003 - 12:48 PM |
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a Nifty design 
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