A Toast

Monday, Feb. 11, 2002 ~ 12:01 PM

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I just wanna show you the way that I feel.

I think that a part of growing up are those moments when you recognize that a few years earlier you wouldn�t recognize your self/situation now.

Case in point: My friend Jared called me Saturday night from Berkeley. He was in a bind: go rolling (his first time) as previously planned with some friends; or hook up with the guy he�d met the night before who was leaving for the City (oh wait� for those who believe that there is more than one city in the world: NYC) the next morning. After a few minutes of debate we came to a decision.

�Fuck it, Jared! Do the E! It�s not like you�re telling me City Boy is the one� he�s just a nice piece of ass� and he might be lousy. I mean, at least with the E you�ll have a kick-ass time and there�s always the possibility of meeting someone more interesting and hotter tonight.�

Jared laughed that we had just wrestled with two of the most cliched 20-something dilemmas: sex or drugs (but I think for me I�d have to add rock-n-roll, too) and had come away with drugs and the possibility of sex. I wished him a good time and we hung up.

Four years ago as an up-standing over achieving Honor Roll student (i.e. nerdy Senior) at Windsor High School, I balked at the idea of not wearing panties... and masturbating� well, that was not even in my SAT prepped vocabulary� It NEVER crossed my mind that I�d be having this conversation with Jared (who at the time was even more straight-edge than I) and the fact that I would be encouraging him to take the narcotic route� inconceivable.

I mean, I can still remember when he came to visit me at NYU and my roommates had picked that night to roll. A friend of mine warned me about the scene upstairs (which I was used too� my roommates made it their mission to try everything at least once and I was pretty cool with it because damnit! people who are high are funny! [One night I watched as three of my friends stood in front of my roommate�s poster of a waterfall� tripping on acid and said, �Dude, she fucking coming towards me!� or �Oh my god! I can feel that water on may face!� or �I can see the fishies!�]� god I miss the parties in room 401). Jared and I walked in and all of the (illegal) candles in the room were lit and the soundtrack to Titanic was playing� there was skin and happy sighing and smiles all around� I found it very amusing and slept like a baby on the floor. Jared looked a little nervous and confessed that he�d kept one eye open the entire night. So now, to hear him tell me that he�s trying E and is so VERY excited� all that I could do was chuckle.

He called me yesterday morning to thank me for my advice and to insist that I try E �as soon as humanly possible� so that I too could have a �profoundly life altering experience.� I promised him that I would and realizing who we used to be and how shocked those people would be if they could see us now� we laughed.

It�s barely noon and I�m going to take a bath and drink some wine.

A toast to growing up.

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